so… there are three days until Christmas and as I get older I’ve learned some things about it. I used to carry around this little crowd-clicker thing to count the Christmas lights that I would see. It was the modern solution to a wonderful little tradition that my brother and I had growing up. We used to sit in the back of the station wagon and count the decorated houses as they went past our window. As we grew up, the station wagon gave way to a conversion van, and then to a tiny armada of dented hand-me-down cars as all of us kids got our drivers licenses. These changes brought changes to our tradition, and soon, I was counting solo. I bought a little clicker a few years ago to help me count since most of the time that I saw lights, I was driving. Well, this year, I got to about 100 and decided that…well, I would just rather enjoy the lights. Hurrying to count or click away to collect them didn’t seem as important to me as just enjoying the cheer of a single family who braved the sub-freezing temperatures to decorate their house. It warms me on the inside to see houses lit up. =) (I love love love looking into people’s homes too, and seeing their Christmas trees!). What’s that lesson? Stop accumulating Laura! At some point, you’ll have too much to enjoy! Just enjoy!
Another thing- I believe in Santa. That’s not to say that I believe in the spirit of Santa- I really can buy into all of it. There is this hope in me, that I didn’t earn and I haven’t purchased. It must be a gift, because when I feel useless and spent and worthless, it still exists. It makes me glow from the inside, it allows me to believe in people. It allows me to love and forgive and try 800 times, even when things seem hopeless. I can’t take credit for this hope. But deep down…in that place where my smile is born, I just have this…hope…and faith in Santa. =)
and lastly- Christmas has brought a little of myself back. (where Have I been?). It’s been a tough couple of months for me. I feel like I’ve fallen back several steps. I’m back in my hometown, waiting tables, poor, and sometimes sad. I know that it’s temporary. I know that it’s all part of something that I need in my life to learn and grow- but I’ve been sad now for months. (*grin* I can pinpoint the reason!)… but slowly…I’m laughing, and dancing, and singing again. Laughing at myself and my super wonderful co-workers and family, dancing to freakin hip-hop in the living room with Julia, and singing “I’m the happy elf!”, over and over in my car. The sadness comes in smaller doses when Christmas is here- so thank goodness for Christmas! =) Now I am just rambling…it’s late you see. =) My mom and Dad are leaving tomorrow to fly to Provo…. where my super brother Josh, and his charming wife Julie, and having little Abraham any day. =) …so it will be Christmas without the rents and the living room was just a frenzy of packing and wrapping and food prep… my family is simply wonderful. =) *squints eyes*
I love all y’all….. squeeze someone!!!
*heart* elle

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