The last two nights I’ve had the opportunity to spend my evenings out of the house. This is rare. Garth and I have pretty much given in to the fact that having a toddler that goes to bed at 7pm means that our evenings now consist of watching movies in bed with ice cream (ok, let’s be real, even before we had Jack, most of our nights were spent in this manner, we just had the option of staying out past 6pm). Garth took on all three nighttime rituals with jack (feeding, bathing, storytime) each evening so that I could go to a craft club meeting on monday night and a relief society meeting (that was actually a little shower for me and the ginger baby) on tuesday night.
I was driving to one of these events in the setting sun, in my little blue convertable, top down, radio up and singing along, when I thought to myself, “ahhhh….I feel like me again”. And then I marveled that I hadn’t even known that I was feeling like someone else. I guess it’s not someone else, it’s just that I play so many other roles, there’s not much time for the me part of me. I am a wife, a mother, a cooker of dinners, a teacher of sunday schools, a maker of bow ties and journals, and a list-maker that always wants to check one more thing off the list. Even this blog post was on my list.
I miss being a taker of walks to Balboa Park, a dressmaker, and a Sunday afternoon test chef. I miss being a neighbor to my girlfriends and family. I miss having a mind so full of hope that it spilled over into my heart. I miss the weightlessness of a mind not heavy with the kind of worry that only a mom can know. These things have fallen away (or have been left behind as I moved away) as my life ran tumbling forward.
To every thing there is a season. This is the season of not me. It is the season of this new little family that Garth and I have created and the new delights that brings. I am the one who waddles, the receiver of precious Jack kisses, the keeper of the heart of the rarest of men, and a wise and patient mother-in-the-making (it’ll take me my lifetime, I’m sure). I am also still a girl who sings her heart out in her little blue convertable while the sun is setting. It is all me- and it is my brilliant always-in-motion life. Now it’s time to go listen to my favorite song on this subject.
All you’ll be you are today. Chris Cornell
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7 responses so far ↓
hey this really hit home, made me cry. I loved your perspective.
I also found this blog made me think of you.
http://milasdaydreams.blogspot.com/
I thought it would be nice to have a little day dream
Aaa–men. =)
Loved reading this.
Definitely keep me posted if a BBQ is planned when you’re up here!! =)
Beautiful. ABSOLUTELY Beautiful!
You are truly one of the most talented ladies I know! ;o)
I’m glad you had some time for reflection. You are so many wonderful things and you do so much it makes my head spin always has. Despite all you do you make the time to be a wonderful wife, mother, daughter, aunt and friend. I am so blessed to be one of your friends.
It was so nice to have YOU at our little house! Always fun to see you.
I miss the Elle that lived so close we could go out for a “drink ” after a hard Tuesday at work.
Laura, you have your arms full!
“For every parcel I stoop down to seize
I lose some other off my arms and knees,
And the whole pile is slipping, bottles, buns,
Extremes too hard to comprehend at once.
Yet nothing I should care to leave behind.
With all I have to hold with hand and mind
And heart, if need be, I will do my best.
To keep their building balanced at my breast.
I crouch down to prevent them as they fall;
Then sit down in the middle of them all.
I had to drop the armful in the road
And try to stack them in a better load.”"
Robert Frost