I think way too much about what I write here. It is often why I don’t write. I’ve written in a book journal everyday since I was 13 and I never run out of interesting things to record there- so I know that my struggle with an online-out-there-for-anyone version is that I want people to think I’m cool. Don’t we all want people to think we’re cool? The problem with that is, at least for me, it gets in the way of what I really want, which generally has so little do to with being cool. I really do want to be authentic- it’s one of the reasons that I married my sweet Mr. Awesome. He is just about the most authentic person I know. He is who he is who is he, just like popeye. I had heard that you should marry someone that you would like to be like- so I did. I’m sure that it’s only a matter of time before I ride motorcycles and think that anything (and I mean anything) can be fixed using a dremel. Or, perhaps Garth will be the one saving every scrap of anything and making plans 15 years into the future, just like I do. We make a pretty great team.

I want to be exactly who I am and no one else. When I was single and living alone in San Diego (well, not alone, I had Bruno with me) it was very easy to do. It was easy because I knew who I was. I was the girl who loved Balboa Park and would take a walk there as often as I could just to walk the bridge. I was the girl who was working a gazillion hours to pay off debt and keep spinach in my fridge. Easy. Simple. Everything changes when a husband and a baby are added. I am still trying to figure out what kind of wife and mother I am, I suppose. It’s like being right back there in junior high, trying to learn the rules of fitting in and surviving. And being cool.

There are remnants of the single girl all over this house in physical form- jars of acrylic paint that haven’t been opened in 3 years, a set of vintage mail-order art course books purchased with the intention of completing them, a shabby collection of thrifted paint-by-number paintings. I see these things and sigh and wonder when I’ll have the time to be me again. Or when I’ll feel confortable with the changes. I feel like I’m always running behind schedule. A task that I allow 15 minutes for takes an hour. The one thing that I wrote down to do in my planner gets pushed back all day in favor of a loud 13 month old, and I’m too pooped to work on it after he goes to bed. And he totally doesn’t think I’m cool either.

I’m willing to let this be my life though because as is true with just about everything, it’s temporary. Jack will continue to inch his way from knee high to eye level and I’ll continue to rotate the too small clothes out of his dresser and the bigger ones in and eventually I will wonder where my little boy went and I will miss him. I guess this is my long rambling reminder of two things: be who you are/your best self/who you wanna be and relish this time because time keeps marching forward.

Oh, and to all of your readers out there, I promise to stop trying to be cool and just wear my faded cords and Dad’s old t-shirts like I did in high school.

ecks oh,
elle

6 TV shows:
( I don’t watch TV!- but I netflix or own these)
The Office
The Martha Stewart Show
Project Runway
Friends
Trading Spaces
um….I’ve seen every Smallville because Garth likes them, does that count?

6 Favorite Restaurants:
Red Robin
Taco Bell
Taco Time (even more now that I’m pregnant and there’s not one around)
Quizno’s
Pizza Hut
Qdoba/La Salsa/Chipotle (they’re almost all the same)

6 Things that happened today:
I had frosted mini spooners for breakfast
LeeAnn came over and we chatted and modified some pj’s
I ate the rest of the Halloween cookies
The wireless router had to be reset
I cried a little while looking at pics of my family who are 3000 miles away
Lots of sewing…Sally dresses and bow ties

6 Things I am looking forward to:
dinner (I think it’ll be veggie corn dogs and tater tots)
the holidays (all of them!!! but especially the ones ahead of us)
life changing (I’m kind of not looking forward to this one too)
hugging my family & meeting Samuel, my newest nephew
being done having kids (I know, that’s like 5 years away)
chilliness

6 Things on my wish list:
plane tickets!
wire binding machine
the new Holiday Inn DVD…so rad
tickets to Harry Connick, Jr.’s Christmas show in New Orleans (even though he’s not going there!)
a makeover for my super car, blue
lots and lots of baby supplies

I’ll leave you with a few photos that made me all weepy today missing my family. If you’re in that group, I LOVE you, even though I’m terrible about calling. All ya’ll are my heart!

xoxooooo
elle

I should be eating more…I’ve only gained two pounds so far. Yikes. However, my belly is progressing nicely. I’m still just looking rather chubby, but Garth and I have confidence that it will turn into something more substantial in the near future. Our ultrasound is coming in a few weeks and we’ll be able to start saying ginger or danger rather than baby when referencing my belly.

Now I’m off to be a good pregnant lady and eat some more. I’m making crepes! mmmmm…..

loves,
elle aye you are aye

Bruno came into our lives a teeny tiny puppy the summer of 2000. He was named Bruno because he was born in San Bruno, CA. He would whine when left alone so I would sneak him into my room at night to sleep with me. He wouldn’t fall asleep until I was cuddled into bed with him, not content to sleep on his own.

He came to us with a stuffed squeeky octapus. It was quickly unstuffed and desqueeked by Bruno, but he continued to adore “Octi” throughout his life. His affection for it, and the fact that it had six tenticles instead of eight prompted us to nickname it “Sexi”.

Bruno had no idea that he was a small dog, or really even a dog. He barked down the largest scariest dogs, and never fully understood why we didn’t provide him a plate at the dinner table.

He would lick one to death for a belly rubbing and was endlessly frustrated by Missy, a chihuahua/pomerianian mix that came into our family several years ago.

When I moved to Seattle Bruno came with me and we walked daily overlooking the Puget Sound. He was my roomate and most favorite companion. He would drive the neighbors nuts in my absence, barking at my departure. I quickly learned to feed him in the kitchen, coat and keys in hand, then jump the puppy gate and leave the apartment before he noticed I was gone.

When I moved to San Diego we walked the streets of Bankers Hill and discovered Balboa Park together. He stayed up late and watched movies with me, traveled on planes with me, and became my closest friend.

When I married Garth, Bruno watched over our seats as a sentinal, and even joined us in our first dance. He stayed with my parents as we went on our honeymoon and moved from San Diego to Florida. A few days before I left San Diego to pick him up, a year ago today, my Mom called to tell me that he was gone. She’d watched in horror as a clueless Bruno, having slipped behind the protective fence in my parents yard, was snatched by a coyote.

We’ve searched the hillside below the fence several times and have never found anything. No collar, no bones, no “Bruno” bone-shaped engraved pendant (my valentines day present to him), so sometimes I like to daydream that he’s the Elizabeth Smart of the dog world and will one day come strolling back into town in a wig, thinking that he’s a coyote.

I still miss him.

Josh made this for him, it’s the first draft, but still pretty dang sweet.

rest in peace Bruno.

xoxoxox
Laura

Garth got a bee stuck in his helmet on the way home from Alabama the other day. It’s certainly not the most exciting thing to happen in recent days, but it’s the only thing that I doodled about on my Sacrament meeting program.
I’m packing this morning for Spokane, WA. I’ll be visiting my family and playing in Hoopfest and meeting Julia’s boyfriend, and hopefully, taking a break from this persistent Florida heat.

If you’re in the area, and I like you, let’s meet at the Dockside for dessert. =)
xoxo
elle

In other news, I am finally no longer contemplating opening an etsy shop. I will be doing it. I would have already done it had I not been having a ridiculously intense time coming up with a name. I already have elle industries saved, but think that it sounds so blah. What does it really say? I like school of elle…because I am all about learning, and I’m a teacher, and it just seems like a richer and more unique name. Garth likes the former better, I like the latter. Also, we both like hello today as a sort of statement, and it’s catchy. So- votes anyone? I would really love to hear an opinion from you, my trusty loved ones…what do you like better?

elle industries
school of elle
hello today

you know I love you all. It’s sleepytime for me. (hey, would sleepy time be a good etsy store name?)

hugs and kisses, and enjoy conference weekend!!!!

xoxo
elle

Lately though, I feel sort of watered down. Sort of flooded with normality and sense and carefully-planned-investing. The double-the-water-half-the-sugar kool aid version of me. I know this because my hair is still brown, despite the fact that jobless me could now accomodate color (like the blue that I’ve envied since high school). I know this because although I complain about sleeping in till 11 everyday (a la “man! I hardly got anything done today because I slept through my alarm”), I make no plans to get up sooner. I know this because even though my favorite thing to do is make and be involved in the community, I find myself hour after hour sitting at this computer, watching other people make, and observing communities without participating. So watery.

I need a challenge. I need to infuse my little safe (and so comfy and happy!) life with something that will really make me stretch. You know, stand up and rock the boat a little. =)

hugs my loves! I miss hugging so many of you!!!

xoxo
elle.

I wonder what connections and realizations my sixty year old self will understand that I am too close to see now.

I was thinking about this tonight because I chose three photos to post on my flickr account out of the hundered that I took today. When I had them all side by side I noticed how similiar they were. I didn’t choose them to match. I looked at the whole bunch and chose them each because I found something beautiful in each. When I did get them all up, I noticed how striking they are as a set, and also that they say something about me that I hadn’t yet realized. I’m not sure that I can put what that something is into words yet…maybe I need to form a couple more rings inside until I can voice it.

I hope that you’re realizing.
You’re wonderful people.
Keep up the good life.

xoxox
elle

muchas amor
elleayeyoueareaye

I love you peeps.
keep the faith.
elle